In one study from 2006, psychological researcher Shelly Gable and her colleagues brought young adult couples into the lab to discuss recent positive events from their lives. They psychologists wanted to know how partners would respond to each otherโs good news. They found that, in general, couples responded to each otherโs good news in four different ways that they called: passive destructive, active destructive, passive constructive, and active constructive.
Letโs say that one partner had recently received the excellent news that she got into medical school. She would say something like โI got into my top choice med school!โ
If her partner responded in a passive destructive manner, he would ignore the event. For example, he might say something like: โYou wouldnโt believe the great news I got yesterday! I won a free t-shirt!โ
If her partner responded in a passive constructive way, he would acknowledge the good news, but in a half-hearted, understated way. A typical passive constructive response is saying โThatโs great, babeโ as he texts his buddy on his phone.
In the third kind of response, active destructive, the partner would diminish the good news his partner just got: โAre you sure you can handle all the studying? And what about the cost? Med school is so expensive!โ
Finally, thereโs active constructive responding. If her partner responded in this way, he stopped what he was doing and engaged wholeheartedly with her: โThatโs great! Congratulations! When did you find out? Did they call you? What classes will you take first semester?โ
Among the four response styles, active constructive responding is the kindest. One of the reason why relationship last. It’s not just about being there during the bad times, but being there during the good times too. Which one are you?
http://www.businessinsider.com/lasting-relationships-rely-on-2-traits-2014-11 โ View on Path.